“Liberals Only” and “Conservatives Only” Drinking Fountains To Be Installed on Capitol Hill

By HOWIE SWAIM | Reporting from Washington, VA | September 27, 2011

In a refreshing display of bipartisan cooperation, Congressional Republicans and Democrats voted unanimously today to install “Liberals Only” and “Conservatives Only” drinking fountains on Capitol Hill.

Leaders on both sides of the aisle hailed the agreement, with one senior Congressperson stating, “If this doesn’t demonstrate to America that we can find common ground, nothing will.”.

In a twelfth hour amendment to the Bill, both parties agreed to allow the opposing party to choose the placard that would appear above their own party’s water fountains.  Following a lively debate, the Democrats selected “Conservative Dipshits”, while the Republicans chose “Liberal Fucktards”.

The fountains will be installed during the next Congressional Recess – a period during which elected officials take a short break and pursue such lively activities as, ‘Tag. You’re It’,  ‘Dodgeball’ and  ‘Kick the Candidate’.

White House officials reassured the public that installation would be completed prior to the end of Recess, and that Congress would reconvene in time to vote on Congressional pay raises.